Coming back to North Carolina today made me emotional for some reason. My dad passed away this past week and though I'm not depressed, I told Angie that I still have "sadness inside me". Though it's silly, I feel bad for my dad even though he isn't alive. I think about all of the things he's not getting to do here on Earth right now and that bums me out. I also still feel sad for the way he died; mostly about how uncomfortable he was the last few weeks of his life. I also feel bad because I don't think he really knew that he was dying. I don't know exactly why that makes me sad, but maybe it has to do with the fact that I would have liked him to be "okay" with it. That would have made me feel better; it wouldn't change the way he's "feeling" now. I also selfishly miss him. I already miss being able to call him throughout the week and talk to him about teaching, racquetball, and life in general.
As you can see, I'm feeling sad, but I'm not blind to positives in light of his death. I was able to spend great time with him, 35 years. He was dedicated to his family and we had wonderful moments throughout his life. I learned a great deal from him and am able to keep his values and pass them to my family. His dying has brought our family even closer together. It's caused me to appreciate my time on Earth, tackle what I believe is important, and be more bold in my faith. I also think this is an exciting time for Acts 2 Church. They can decide to go a different direction or disband all together. Additionally, he took care of my mom in his death. His assets are such that she should be financially stable for the remainder of her life.
All-in-all, his death was tragic, but I lean on my faith, family, and friends to strengthen and support me.
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